miss you like you have no idea

s'all done.

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 12:35:41 GMT

just under two years since the beginning of crackcouture.lj.com, it will come to a close.
it's been grand - many good memories and also many bad ones. this thing has been my rant space for what feels like forever, but i find myself no longer in need of it. it'll just sit here, unupdated. it holds too many memories for me to be deleting any of it, it's sort of become a chronicle of my year eight, nine and some of my year ten dramas and there's no way i could delete that :)
anyway, thanks for the good times.
alex
x

y'know, i tried to get a subject starting with every letter of the alphabet once. got bored.

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 13:20:15 GMT

this is becoming less of a general rant-a-blog and more of a post-every-two-weeks-party-diary kinda thing. good work alex.

cloudia's:
pretty dress,
nice shoes,
am-aaaa-zing house (like, on a cliff on newport beach),
cool people,
very dirty dancing,
great music,
too much alcohol,
regretful hookup.
the end.

sophie's:
awesome dress,
skanky costumes,
nice(r) shoes,
slightly sore hip (5 days out from surgery, good one alex),
dirty dancing,
great people,
full flask,
empty flask,
less drama,
good time,
the end.

got it?
yeah. me too.
there's a candle in peter alexander at the moment and on the box, one side says vodka, the next says, sex and the last says regret.
vodka-sex-regret.
that made my day. giggled a lot.
have to make a scrapbook for english. yayyyy. not so yay: spending money on scrapbooking gear for an assignment that i'm really gonna get into but isn't going to be marked. uncool.
excessive punctuation and I are having a flirtation. I'm not committed, but I think the relationship has promise. well well well.
alex feels good; good things are coming. I'm not sure what/where/when, but I can feel it. my default userpic is making me smile again.
despite the fact that the subject of the 'i met someone!' post has a girlfriend. alex is happy.
52.1. yeah bitches.
posted the album 'et cetera' to fb. contains some of the best and greatest moments when a camera and a dorky smile go together. also from the moments when a mountain just does what it's told, dammit.
noughts and crosses. i'm not sure what made me think that.
sidewall removers too. make me smile. i know why that is, though.

hey stranger.

i can't use that dp of me skiing without feeling depressed, guilty, nostalgic and elated all at once

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 16:16:39 GMT

First and foremost, a massive, gigantic, enormous happy birthday to meine dearest bohue as well as beau. happy 15th and 21st kiddies. two of my favourite people in the whole big wide world.

secondly, a large catching up of sorts is in order. i've been gone so long that 'lj' is no longer a shortcut in safari and i can't just type in 'li' and hit enter because it doesn't pop up in recent history any more. that's a little bit sad considering lots has been going on. here goes:
i got back from a three-day junket to the snow this evening. i had a great time watching the races (in which redlands won most), crashing team photos, catching up with some cool cats whom i haven't seen since this time last year and just generally having some pretty solid shits and giggles. i made a few discoveries:
- liz pilat is not a particularly nice person (although not really a new discovery, more a concrete confirmation of old ones).
- a year seems to instill a fair amount of maturity into the teenage male, at 15/16 you can almost have a conversation with one.
- boys grow. fast. like we're talking 20kg of muscle and nearly a foot in height. like, look upwards to talk to their faces. whaaaaaat.
- they also seem to enjoy your company a little more once you've lost all your skiing weight, dumped a set of braces and grown a little confidence for a change. funny that.
- i miss skiing
- i miss my skiing friends
- i miss the skiing life
- i miss being able to run and jump and sit for long periods of time and sleep on my side (not my stomach) and playing sport and doing p.e.
- i want to go skiing like you wouldn't believe.

i hadn't been out to my spot up at thredbo since last year, the afternoon that pete broke the news to us about LoLo. i ran up there last time. did some hill sprints to get my crazy out. i ambled this time, walked up the hill and sat around to calm my angry down. It was still there, the empty clearing at the top of the village and 10 minutes walk to the right. cleared by the thredbo landslide. where i go to clear landslides. i went out there and watched the mountain. it's a beautiful view. someday i'll take you there. don't know who. don't know when.

it's currently quarter to two in the morning and my last school holiday night. i'm going shopping tomorrow, i have birthday presents to get. one for cloudia (16), one for pen (15) and one for beau (21). i haven't the foggiest as to what to get any of them. i might go into the city. ugh. the present mojo so needs to be here but so isn't. i also need a belt for the dress i'm wearing to clouds' party. for bohue, jc isn't going. i've discussed it with higher social powers. apparently jc is from a different circle of friends. which is fair enough i s'pose.

anyway. i'm sitting in my bed. it's now five minutes past two ante meridian of the twenty-seventh of july two-thousand and nine. i haven't been writing. until two nights ago, i hadn't been sleeping particularly well. waking up a lot. fuck that. red eyes. fuck them. if i grow up to be someone, i better delete this shit or something.

trying to find me a fakey. any ideas? i've been warned against most websites because of money scams. pain in the ass. suggestions welcome. google is useless.

tears streaked ash and hasty footprints streaked mud. we got our things and turned our heads. whispered farewells as we ran as fast as we could. keep your head forward. keep your heart cold. don't look back. just run.

Silent acknowledgement to deny

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 21:59:05 GMT

You know those relationships where you can converse comfortably for a little while - 10, 15 minutes max - but if you get into a situation where you'd have to talk for much longer than that and... For example, public transport: you see an acquaintance (not yet a friend, not a stranger) on a bus or train. You know it's not a short journey, maybe 30-40 minutes and you both fall under this magical law of silence. You don't look at each other, don't acknowledge each other's presence as if to complety deny each other's existance. That really annoys me.

And if I have to sit the English assessment today, I may die. Or be kicked out of my English class for being too fuckin' stupid.

Oh yeah, got m results for the ACER scholarship testing back. Subsequented (is that a word?) in a big fight with the parentals because they weren't happy. Turns out that I topped English and humanities, but was merely 'above average' in maths. How dare I.

Anyway, bus calls. La'ers.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Findings of [love lost] long ago.

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 12:42:01 GMT

Not sure if I ever got around to piston this little gem, but found it lying around in a notebook, somewhere northeast of my bed. Bolds as original text.

Slowly being rocked to sleep by an industrial crib, train tracks ker-lacking a mother's lullaby. Middle aged Mao Tai being broken up by stern faced guards in their teens. Role reversal?
I'll be waiting with bated breath but not for you. Tragic. Juxtaposition in it's purest: minority girls walking around 200 million year old stone formations in the traditional clothes and headdress of their centuries-old clans, talking on their LG, Samsung and Nokia mobile phones. Technology will suck you in, eat you up and spit out nothing but your empty pockets.
Falling asleep and waking up in different places. Hopefully as different people but I won't ask too much.
It wasn't purely platonic and I want you to know I remember it that way: as a casual amalgamation of going with the flow. Polar opposites and identical twins both at once. Right of way us a load of bullshit here. Lane markers, crosswalks, traffic lights and signs are simply to give the illusion of law and order but really serve no other purpose than as some sick decoration.
For the diehards.
It looked better in pen.

I have a feeling that I posted that a while ago, but you never know. Banks xx

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

You know what:

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 13:07:52 GMT

...annoys me? The self-righteous moral everest atop which you live. I don't think you get to call me in the red when you're standing in front of the body with a gun in your hand, y'know? So when your cranial cavity deflates a little, give me a yell, I won't be far. Until then, shut the fuck up.

It's a worry how that little angry rant is applicable to more than one person. Just for clarification, this was written on Thursday afternoon and I forgot to post it,

Good times, kiddies. Well done - 'Twas very enjoyable. It was nice to catch up, hopefully I'll see you again before the next party. lovealways.

what would description be, what would adjective be without perspective or the knowledge of relation? How would we know what was big if we didn't know what was small? Would it change how you define yourself? Are you only nice when standing next to a bitch? Would it change who you are?

Until next time...

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

updaaaaaaate.

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 12:33:11 GMT

I'm trying to get myself back into the habit of posting to this every second day or so. I just finished an english essay (which wasn't too terrible to write, it explored the nature of good vs. evil, human morality and such in a post-apocalyptic context; vs. in a modern/personal context). Mouthful to read? Try making it sound sensical. Fkn hard. Alas, philosophy makes a lot more sense introspectively that it does on a computer screen.

we're turning into a series of post-its and dot points: summarise, complete, trash.

a mundane effort at arguing my way out of anything. take it up with the nearest non-retaliatory object.

I have officially begun the 'other side' of retail - selling things and making money instead of buying things and spending money. although not really, because i'm only doing the former to fuel my addiction to the latter. go fish. started work at seed in balmain on saturday, have a newfound loathing for snot and two-year-olds wielding cupcakes. screw the pen being mightier than the sword, cupcakes and snot are my new worst enemies. the pen has nothing on them. although i wouldn't like today's isabella to test that theory.

what else is going on.... saturday night, i experienced a plethora of emotional states in such rapid concurrence that i thought i would spontaneously combust. (i apologise for the serious overload on long words, i tend to get this way after writing an essay. i'm all literarily stimulated....). i've also (with maternal permission, don't fret) sold two bedrooms worth of furniture in the last ten days and am soon to sell a small fortune in ugly royal doulton figurines that are (i am told) priceless to a collector! haha bullshiesse.

mia had her first gymnastics competition today - she did very well considering she is a full year younger than her group and a full year short of competition experience. one 12.something and three 14.somethings. 12 was from beam, but she's very small and it's a long way up! also got her ears pierced afterwards, early birthday present from me. pink studs....

anyway, i need to go. i smell bad. and need sleep.
xx

Nothing much...

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 21:19:17 GMT

Mmm... Had mufti day yesterday, was thoroughly enjoyable. It stimulated great debate in English over the virtue of school uniform, which (as usual when a debate involves Nicko) got fairly heated. Finished late (ahhhh! School til 3.20 on a Thursday!) and was subsequently an hour late to maths. Oops.

Anyway, I am standing on Turramurra station, waiting for a train that was supposed to arrive 4 minutes ago. Story of my life. If I have to sacrifice my coffee for cityrail, I'm not going to be happy.

Forever and never hopelessly intertwined but never more inseparable.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Post-party confessions: liv's 18th...

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 07:04:35 GMT

With the wisdom of retrospect, I probably shouldn't have said it was a non-alcoholic family/friends birthday 'dinner'. However, thanks to advice from a few of those more experienced ("don't talk! Just say you're tired!"), I managed to pull it off.

So here goes: on the way there, I set myself a mental limit; 2 drinks, 3 at most. That failed after the first hour... And I hadn't eaten all day, so it's safe to say that I was pretty ...happy... after an hour and a half. Met all Liv's friends (all gorgeous and awesome fun to dance with!) and gave her the joint present from Beau and I (being a Tiffany Key necklace) subsequently resulting in hundreds of hugs and kisses from miss Olivia. Needless to say, my present-giving prowess remains amazing. Anyway, drunk a lot, reminisced with Beau & Liv about Austria and danced more than you'd believe with Liv, Liv's friends (male & female) and caught two of Liv's friends going at it in her study. Met Liv's best guy (sparkle boy!!) and girl friends, made friends with some of them. Such cuties! Talked to Mama Crane, who told me that if Beau and I didn't go back to Austria, she wouldn't either. I was touched!

Poor Beau got his heart smushed (again) with me as middleman.

Anyway, I'd specifically told the parents it was a non-alcoholic event which was obviously a pile of bullshit. So I basically got in the car, concentrated my entire mind on saying "hi dad, had fun but I'm really tired" as clearly and coherently as possible. Clearly a solid, because dad didn't notice a thing! More later xx

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

I'm baaack!

Mon, 25 May 2009 21:53:49 GMT

Sorry for the hiatus due to well, life, really. I'm currently standing in my morning house of coffee, waiting for the usual (large skim latte extra hot) from my Barista buddy, Salvatore. I finished half yearly exams last week and celebrated with dinner and drinks at Thairiffic in McMahons Point, as well as watching a friend's brother's band play a gig (myspace.com/staticsilhouette, they're actually really good). And their guitarist is gorgeous, if that helps!

So, how is the Internet at the moment? Oh, and the other reason for the hiatus was that China hates LJ for some peculiar reason. Ahh, communism. I was in China for a month, travelling 'round, taking photos and eating, really. If you want to check that out, head to http://web.me.com/acfbanks where I kept a blog religiously. When I came home, 'studying' for half yearlies became the priority (read: catching up and shopping with friends). But now I have that out of the way, I'm free to update this like I used to.

Ooh! News! I just got on the bus and one of my friends just told me that my poem (one of only two from the entire grade (entry was compulsory)) was selected for the Senior Music Showcase last night! Yay! The other poem also happens to be a friend, which is cool.

Anyway, life calls! xx Banks

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 09:33:04 GMT

The new glossary (semi-courtesy of my good canadian homegirl, ado):
Use 'em, abuse 'em. Don't really mind.

1. Beanie - toque
2. Berries / Kale - dollars / money
3. Bleeker - tourist
4. Boggle - vomit
5. Bronson - beer
6. Bust a moby - dance
7. Carpet - lesbian
8. Chipper - an easy woman
9. Clothesline - gossip on the scene
10. Deck - similiar in meaning to the antiquated “fresh”
11. Flavourless - heterosexual
12. Flubber - boob implants
13. Frigidaire - cold shoulder
14. Get puffy - bust a cap
15. Gluten - to eat
16. Heat - pull or influence (Leesy has heat, she always gets us on the guest list.)
17. Hilfiger - having no fashion sense
18. Hypo - coke head
19. Jerry - stoner, hippie
20. Juicer - ladies man
21. Midtown - uncultured or unhip
22. Piece - cell phone
23. Polish - to impress
24. Raphaels - glasses
25. Semi - partial boner
26. Shellacked - wasted
27. Vejjo - vegitarian
28. Wally - an attractive hipster

my internet is super-slow due to my re-watching of s4 project runway and sudden craving for adobe illustrator. oopsies. 24kbps until midnight on the 31st. faaarrk that.
in other news, why is there an hour discrepancy between my phone and my laptop's time?
daylight saving always messes with me so bad. finished my textiles assignment, that god. i stayed up until 1am on saturday, fell asleep sitting up twice and have an old lady aching back to accompany my old lady aching hips. i think i had japanese homework too...
that girl in the modcloth ad on the right is stunning. wishing i had 8 arms, 4 brains and 3 more weekends.
camping in october (although it could fall through as this was drunken organisation) with some family friends. one of these families has a 17-yo son whom i remember to be fairly attractive. mmm.
also need to make 12 more A4 photoshop pretties to put behind poems for poetry day posters. bleh bleh bleh.
mia and i made hamburgers last night. they failed - we forgot the breadcrumbs. oopsies.
read an article on joe hockey whilst eating my natural yogurt with honey this morning. he's a cool guy (for a politian, anyway).
baking two dozen cupcakes and poss. a loaf or two of banana bread by wednesday, also for poetry day. i have a cool teacher too.
japanese is stressing me out. a lot.
making a costume (complete freedom) next term in textiles. any suggestions? i want to do something freaking epic. just don't know what. geisha? harlequin? both have been suggested. as long as i don't have to do the dreaded disney princess costumes.
i have so, so many more productive things to be doing than updating lj. later.

Round 2

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 11:17:39 GMT

I've done it - I got a twitter. As usual, if there's a new internet craze, I'm there.
I like it. It's like a site devoted to (my favourite part of) facebook 'status updates'.

The round 2? Tomorrow afternoon I intend to paint the [Chatswood] town in my Vermillion-et-Noir resumes. Turramurra's had it's turn, now it's time for a little love in Chatty. Spent this morning throwing up, spent this afternoon slightly better yet still with stomach cramps at maths tutoring and making MMYB a 'lifebook' on iPhoto. You can make these digital books, press a button and 5 days later Apple will send you a fully-pro looking book for $30. I though that was pretty sweet. I'm making one for us and one to take to her chinese foster parents in china (april).
Washed my hair. Kerastase - expensive shit, but could turn straw into gold. Never turning back.
Despite not having kept any food down today, the stomach cramps be makin' me feel all whale-y and bloated. ugh.
PE assignment. Load of BULLSHIT.
Submitting my forms for Interschools to redlands tomorrow. Heard that susie is quote 'cutting back on the skiing this year'. WTF? why? year 10 doesn't matter!...

Assignments due Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (x2), Thursday and two assessments on Friday. Mother of fuck.

Saw Beau and Liv last weekend. See twitter - sunburnt, sandy and sans sanity. Nicest sunday in a while. We came to the conclusion that since Austria: we miss apfel strüdel mit vanille sauce, apricot jam, proper müsli, milka schokolade and are nostalgic for größmutter's yelling. also, we are all swearing like bogans since we returned and have resolved to stop. It's seriously unattractive.

Downloaded Adobe Illustrator - love the idea of it, saw a girl making a mag page while i was at the girlfriend shoot. looks easy. NOT. Like opening photoshop for the first time all over again and seeing the familiar pencil button - but that being the only redeeming exception in a program filled with bewilderment.

Been poem-ing for english - written an elogy (different to a EULOGY) and a dramatic monologue. Need 3 more poems, 5 reflections and an overall analysis by wednesday. ohhhh... ****.

Here's the dram. mono.

Doppelganger

As a child I was hardly mild

A little different, a little wild.

School never did much for me,

So many places I’d rather be.

The world outside simply captured

It dazzled, amazed and completely enraptured.

My sport became my morning fix

Like an addicts’ morning kicks.

Adrenaline, my only dope

A chance to train, I never said nope.

To better my skills,

And with them – my tricks.

But then one-day adversity struck

I, the recipient for terrible luck.

Some ghastly weather caused injury

To my confidence and to me.

But all I wanted, I frantically urged?

Someone to tell me if I’d resurge.

You’ve taken me away from me,

My body cannot hear me plea.

My mind is in the purest place,

My skeleton in hellish space.

A panther trapped inside a dove,

My expectations, fallen short of.

Hopes laced by others restraints,

I never slipped a single complaint.

Young in mind but old in form,

An accident made life reform.

A nasty picture my doc’ did paint

That left me feeling a little faint.

I’m left an old man in physical strength

Whilst I yearn for a life at arms’ length.

I s’pose I’m lucky to be well,

But with no wish in life to dwell?

How would you feel if you were me?

With your identity in debris.

And the elogy:

Play the music, continue all sound

Plant your sorrowful flowers back in the ground.

Don’t you dare cry and don’t you dare mourn,

For my dearest friend cannot be gone.

She was my sight, my sound, my touch

The best friend that I love so much.

I refuse to believe, I refuse to forget,

I hope you departed without a regret.

So to my best friend – wherever you are:

May you want for nothing,

May you feel no pain.

We will always love you,

Life won’t be the same again.

xxx

Writer's Block: Going to Extremes

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 10:58:46 GMT

If you were in perfect shape (not to say that you aren't), what would be your extreme sport of choice?

View 501 Answers

Ski Racing.

it's been one of those fuckity-fucked weeks, y'know?

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 11:10:49 GMT

ever tried writing a dramatic monologue? hard freakin' work.
and then try one in iambic pentameter. but wait! it gets better:
make it rhyme.
that's what i was told to do today. and i was given twenty minutes to do a PAGE of it.
i was luck. oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me.
i was excited about it at first - i had a little story planned, the monologue was going to be a son's speech to his very traditional father as he quit his job as a high-flying lawyer like his father, grandfather and great-grandfather - to become a base-jumper.
Now that I think about it, I kinda feel like I can relate to the guy.

Now for something cool - I'm gonna be in Girlfriend magazine. That crappy one you used to buy when you were 12 and secretly read the sealed section about (oooooh!) sex and tell everyone that there's 'no way you would have read that, it's gross!' yeah, that one.
I sent in a photo of me along with an entry to win a shopping spree (there was no mention of photo shoot btw) and I got a letter back from some chick named Odette Tonkin - who turns out to be the deputy editor - saying come in to the Girlfriend head office next thursday with four of your favourite outfits for a photoshoot! and i was all....whhaaaat? srsly? you want me, the freckly ranga?
but yes, from the confirmation email i've been sent, they actually want me. here some of it is:

Hi Alex,

Thanks for your pic - it's awesome!

We would love you to come in and be apart of our photo shoot for our Shopholics story!

Here are the details for the shoot:

Where: Girlfriend magazine offices

35-51 Mitchell Street, McMahons Point, NSW

Time: 2:30pm, ready for hair and makeup (Just come straight into the reception area and ask for me and I'll come and get you. Feel free to bring a parent/ guardian with you! All up, we will need you for around an hour and a half.

What to wear: An outfit that represents your fashion style that is suitable for the Autumn months, as this issue is on sale April 29.

What to bring: Three of your best fashion buys, so we can photograph them!

Kindest Regards,

Odette

Odette Tonkin

Deputy Editor

Girlfriend Magazine

So yeah. There you have it folks, the May issue of Girlfriend magazine - featuring some pasty ranga in some hot clothes.
In other exciting news - Aksel Lund Svindal and Lindsey Vonn - Overall WC Champs for 2008/09! And Vonn takes the Downhill Globe as well, first time an American woman has won the overall twice in a row. Awesome stuff.

Well that's about it for me. I have a Japanese test あした to study for and maths h/w (also due tomorrow) to do. See you at Sound Relief.
おやすみ！
xx

kanji makes my head hurt

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 10:43:58 GMT

i like the character for ear though. it's pretty.
it's been way too long, i should get back in the habit of updating this regularly. I no longer have time to spend hours trolling lj so my internet friends have long dwindled and fallen away. they'll be recovered once australian idol starts again though :D
so in two weeks of school, i picked up 8 assignments (out of 10 subjects) and i'm only just beginning to scoop my way out of the deep dark hole with a teaspoon. I have 10 Kanji to memorise by tomorrow and they are therefore written on the underside of my arm. I won't bore you with the trans-atlantic ocean that is my to-do list, but i will post this:

feeling a little heidi-the-milk-maid-esque, but whatever emma wants, emma gets. and i s'pose i asked for it :D love how it turned out though.
i need sleep; also craving skiing like your mind couldn't even begin to imagine. I have had way less than my fill this year. handing out cv's and job application forms faster than doctors are handin' out ritalin. and that's a lot.
In the sunny side of life, i came into the best unit on the earth - creative writing so it doesn't matter that i know nobody in extension english 10, i've got a pen and it's all good. and b got home yesterday but is being a douchebag and keeps forgetting to text me back. fuck u. hamish und andy are on tv downstairs, so more interesting things than me are calling. hi-ho, let's sail the seas.
xx

one night and one more time...

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 13:03:55 GMT

thnks fr th mmrs...
concert was awesome. i'll go into detail tomorrow when i'm not tired, jetlagged and nearly mute. so glad i was able to go :D
thanks fob.

xxx

tomorrow holds the possibility of... whatever you want (but nothing at all).
shook champagne, fatal aerosol vessel, i'm feeling somewhat ardent.
anxious, jumpy, restless like animals before a storm.
pleas (thank you) are seeping through the deceitful skin that bounds my occaisionally chaotic mind.

Oh meine gott.

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 07:54:28 GMT

Seriously?
But in almost equally disgusting news, I'm leaving tomorrow. I land at 10am and have doctors appointments for the two days after that and then MRI's after that. Also squeezing in the hairdressers before I start redlands.
So fucking nervous about that. (The school, not the hairdresser XD)
Why won't you answer your fucking phone? Because I bet you're training, that's why. But I really wanna talk to you! I know ANOTHER person that isn't skiing this season and it just blows completely because it's now pretty much down to me, higgs, schuitema and talia. wtf, mate?

is it so wrong to crave recognition?

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 08:01:57 GMT

new layout courtesy of grrliz - vielehen danke.
so... not much been going on. had a handful of semi-non-minor breakdowns that were resolved with expensive phonecalls to friends in Austria off cheap Canadian mobile phone plans. Bad idea. Managed to keep these fairly low-key however, so kudos to myself for that i guess :P
been training... badly, hip is a bitch. don't want to go home to summer and no skiing but not being able to ski how i want to and train how i know i can is starting to turn me into more of a nutcase than usual. in regrettable hindsight, i've probably been taking it out on susie and i'm sorry about that. there's no excuses, i should have dealt better but i'm about to implode. i do, however, want to go home and get this motherfucker fixed so i can ski properly again. i'm worried about my australian race season because i've never come out of a northern season this badly. talked to a good kiwi friend on fbook last night and he's just fucked himself over for the second season in a row so it could be worse i guess.
watching season 4 (The older and best) season of project runway (US) and it's making me craze some more magazines. my new obsession lookbook.nu will have to suffice.
i could also go some serious shopping and socialising with people that don't make me want to physically abuse the closest non-retaliatory object. enough complaining, alex.
had a week of downhill which was A-FUCKING-MAZING to say the least. going as fast as you can in a straight line appears to be my calling. my dad was disappointed because he thinks that downhill is just ski racing for stupid people that can't turn well enough to be good at SG or tech but I just like going faaaaaast. :D
race this coming weekend, just two days of GS. just a zone race so nothing important. going into it to see how i am against the canadian chicks this year versus last year but it's hardly a fair test when i'm injured. just gotta hope for a good day.
so what's crackalackin with y'all? i'm pretty worried about my smalltown homegirl who just broke up with her boyfriend, has the worst bushfires australia has ever seen about 4km away, has friends who have been evacuated from their homes and her school put on warning. i'm only getting snippets on CNN, but it looks really bad. what's it like at home?
home soon. :)(:

love/hate/dirty lies/occasional truths

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 08:41:38 GMT

...a relationship we will always share. hopefully repairable.
this may sound selfish but I'm going through too much right now to be without you two. you guys mean too much to me.
i know a band-aid won't do much but I'm willing to try.
it was always, as with most things, bound to make a full circle.
i'm about to go to bed and I think I'll sleep more content than I have in 117 days. (believe it or not, that's how long it's been)
in 4 more days, it'll be our 'one third of a year anniversary of dismemberment'.
j: i'm sorry i never replied when you needed me but i didn't know what to say. i've never known you so vulnerable and i freaked out and hid away (i'm good at that).
p: i'm sorry i was harsher on you that you deserved.
this is me making peace. this is me saying uncle.
it doesn't feel like losing and it sure as hell doesn't feel like winning either. but in the face of loss or more loss, i'll stick with this.
here's to a new year and being amicable at the least?

Flying high gives you a long way to fall...

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 01:16:09 GMT

Hating it here like you have no idea. Thought speed camp would give me a chance to 'ski my crazy out' but alas, that was not the case. Day one of speed camp over and the new speed skis didn't give me as much of a kick as the last ones. Would have easily been hitting 90+ kph but I felt so slow. It was a horrible feeling. The jumps were the only redeeming feature but again nothing amazing. The second jump (that we were hitting all day) was nothing more than a baby roller with some blue dye and two gates and we only ran the first jump twice. Unfortunately the two times I ran the jump and slammed down on the ground weren't great on the slightly broken left side of my body so I'm a little sore now. Nothing like the week after new years' but still not good.
What I hate is people that just can't be themselves. They have to copy everything. From a fake accent to sunglasses to 'addicted to speed' to pretending to know people to cutting in on other people's personal jokes... Drives me fucking insane.
Skis to do.

help

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 05:35:22 GMT

I so don't want to be here. The kiwis don't mean anything to me and I want some people my own age. I keep thinking about you until it hurts. Miss having someone to talk to. She says all the wrong things. Someone will say something she thinks is cool and then she'll jump on it and worship it so she feels included and approved of. Drives me mad. Can't you just have your own opinions and be strong enough to stick to them, even when someone 'cooler' than you disagrees? Clearly not.
I need to sleep now. It doesn't hurt as badly.
xo

Bored now...

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 20:51:41 GMT

So I've now been travelling for a grand total of 19 hours and have slept about an hour in that. it looks like i'll be here for a lot longer, too. i have no phone credit, my laptop is running out of battery, i have only CA$5 and no way of getting more money out and Susie's flight was cancelled so she's stuck in the other side of the same airport until at least 7.45pm. My flight is still scheduled but I have 3 hours until then so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I also nearly wasn't allowed into the country and had to wait an extra 25mins to go through a second set of immigration/passport control because I'm here for longer than I'm supposed to be. (That was when I lost Susie)
And I got the 'random' pat down in security on the way through so it took me about 30mins to get through. But it's ok, because I have ANOTHER 3 HOURS UNTIL MY FLIGHT THAT PROBABLY WON'T TAKE OFF ANYWAY.
And I have a seat at the back because that was the only aisle seat I could get.
Not happy, Jan.
In happier news, just hearing the Canadian accent makes me feel like I've come home.
3 people have told me I haven't got an Australian accent today so I'm pretty happy about that too.
Still distraught after yesterday's traumatic goodbye however. I cried every time you texted me last night.

ugh

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 07:30:13 GMT

I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE AUSTRIA.
EVER.

happy ny, y'all.

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 12:49:01 GMT

So, how was everyone's NYE? Mine was fairly cool, best so far :D
Timeline of Alex's Epic NY's Partying:
7pm: Started getting ready. Hair, makeup, the whole shebang.
8pm: Still getting ready. Curled Frawley's (A Victorian racer) hair and we all put on our epic NY's outfits. Mine being a grey dress that barely covered my ass, patterned stripper stockings (the one with the garter thing at the top that stay up by themselves) and some black heels.
9pm: G-Dog (A coach) picks us up and we head up the mountain to the Kralleralm (a big restaurant) and headed down to the bar.
9.15pm: Everyone arrives, Liv throws up all over the bar due to copious amounts of alcohol, the flu, altitude and some cheap-ass red bull knock off drink. Liv, Lara and Liz head home.
10pm: Me, Susie, Ed, Bryce, Frawley, Nick, Dewy, Tom and Sare head over to the tent bar, literally a heated tent with a circular bar and a shitload of drunken austrians
11pm: drinking and table dancing ensues
Midnight: still drinking, still table dancing.
1-1.30am: head down the gondola, G-Dog takes us back to our hotel, Sare vomits everywhere in front of G-Dog and he starts yelling at us in German. Frawley and I pull Sare up the stairs as fast as we can so she can continue vomiting in the privacy of her own bathroom.
1.45am: I put on my pyjamas, take off my makeup, drink as much water as i can and get in to bed. Decide that i don't really want to sleep (possible due to red bull/vodka and red bull/puschkin) so I venture into liv & lara's room where I find a stone cold sober beau, a sick and sleepy nick, liv, lara, sare, ed and bryce all scattered between the bed and the floor. decide i'm crashing in there, grab my doona and pillow, add it to the growing pile on the bed.
Somewhere betwen 2am and 4am (Can't quite remember): there was a stolen glass of champagne and one or two more stiff drinks before i conked it for a few hours only to be woken up by the 7am leogang church bells. turns out that me, liv, beau and nick slept in the bed and sare, frawley, lara and ed slept on the floor. i remember yelling at people and having a pringle fight with bryce but that's about it :D

drunken night tally: 3
planned drunken nights before I leave: 1 UBER NIGHT. (mit moet, puschkin, baileys und malibu)
oh, sheisse ja.

End of the beginning...

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 21:32:41 GMT

Had a shitty christmas, how about you?
Had a shitty day, too.
Throbbing head.
Aching hip (and knee).
Wish you'd stop bitching about me to Pen. Most of that shit isn't true (and you know it) and I'm glad it's slowed down but it doesn't take it back.
You're sick and if I catch it I'll kill you. I can't get sick. You don't understand. I told them I was fine to come over here (clearly a lie) but I want this so bad. They wanted me to take some time off to recover and then see where I was at. Possibly have some surgery. Not happening. Wish I could run. Just want to run.
The mobic and the codein get me through the day these days like a caffeine addicts' morning dew. A little numb but none the less functioning.
Kinda wish I could talk to you but I can't. Never say uncle.
Miss you like crazy. I've never been away from my baby for so long. Hearing your voice on the phone makes me cry every time. I'm sorry and wo ai ni.
Wish you'd come home already. Miss you like you have no idea, too. (that message considerably brightened an exeedingly dull christmas, so thanks)but I'm going insane here, I fall to pieces without you. Need you to hold me like you used to. Like you did when I slept and when I cried. Can't even think about life after January 15th, it hurts too much. And just the idea of not seeing you next season makes me feel like I'm going to explode but I understand it. Ski racing has become a very expensive hobby now. There's no way it can be a career, I see that. But every time you change your mind and tell me your goals, I can't help but to hope. I wish I could make them happen but I'm struggling enough with myself right now.
And finally, I miss talking to the only sane person left. This is the one thing I hate about coming over here. I become some blob with a keyboard. I guess it got better after my list of friends took a beating but you're still there and I still love you. We don't always understand each other, but you're the closest I have to Sydney sanity.
The 'you's are all different and most of them will never know but it's in writing, it's how I feel.
Love you much, love you forever.
xoxo